This Blog is to bring "Sexual Assault Awareness" to the forefront of our consciousness. It is also to give victims a resourse for information and community to draw support from. "Fight Back!!!"…
This is the comment I receive from an online friend:
“WELL IM SORRY TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR SEXUAL ASSAULT I MEAN DID U AT LEAST HAVE AN ORGASM”
Here is my response…
You are so crazy… You acturally made me laugh…
I guess you are right, it would have been different if I had been awake… First of all it would not have happened… But sexual assault is a very serious crime…
I could have died because of the dept of sleep I was put in; I could have drowned in my own spit… I am still sore after a week and it was three days before my taste came back… I don’t know what type of drug was used but I will fight to get awareness to this type of crime and put these kinds of cowards in jail…
That said, how do you really feel about these types of thing that happen to people against their will??? Just curious…
This is her second response after getting my response:
i tried to rape my husband but he wanted me to so i guess you wouldnt call that rape huh. no on a serious aspect it is wrong to take sumbody against their will and what goes around comes around
Culturally Speaking this is a crime that most people don’t think happens but is happening more frequently these days… The difference is that men don’t usually tell anyone about it… For me, I have always lived in the light as a prior military christian man, therefore I must speak out in order to bring awareness to this cowardly crime and catch these cowards who do it…
THis comment is the usual response you will get because people really don’t believe that a man can be sexually assaulted or at least they don’t see it in the same way as if the victim was a female… This is why it is so necessary for me to bring awareness to these types of crimes which are on the rise in the last decade because this country has become very tolerant of the different sexual orientations ie boy-girls and girl-boys… These people are the primary assailants because of lack of personal power and respect therefore they are trying to strike back or it’s just that they too were victims so they want to victimize… The reason is less important than the lack of knowledge that law enforcement have in this type of crime and that is what I will dedicate my life too…
I hope you feel me on this matter because it is very serious…
I need to share this painful event that has happened in my life with you for your support and prayers… I was sexually assaulted last weekend by, and with the assistance of a female, I have known for along time… I wrote down the entire event at my personal blog:www.saaf.wordpress.com… I tell you this to expose these cowards and hopeful catch them with your assistance… These people that do these types of things will usually take pictures and videos of the crime as a trophy(ies)… They will then try to demean and embarrass the victim, victimizing him/her over and over again by sending copies out to people the know him/her… Well, I am not embarrassed I am “mad…” I want to get them, so if you receive any pictures… Please contact me immediately…
I am really angry now about what happened this weekend and I need to talk to somebody… Sexual assault is a horrific crime especially when you are drugged to sleep while someone is violating you… I have been through this before with a person who I thought I could trust and now it has happened again… It has been over 72 hour and the effects of the drugs have worn off, but my back and legs and right shoulder is really score not to forget my neck…
I am really getting angry now and want to go do somebody, but I don’t know what??? Ms Jones is on a cruise to the Bahamas… It is probably a good thing… I am not a violent person but this type of violation brings it out in me… The time before I was in counselling for over six months but I will never get over it and it has happened again… I will not trust anyone else again… These damn christian women are nothing but wolves in sheep clothing … I am not going to let this destroy me… I am stronger than that but just dealing right now is hard… Writing about it is my only salvation… I want to know who else was involved other than Ms Jones who adamantly denies ever doing anything… I was knocked out for six hours straight I don’t remember anything but waking up feeling really strange… I will beat this but I am going to get active in the awareness of this horrible crime to give guys information about how to not be a victim… I am also going to force law enforcement agencies to listen when a man comes in and says they were sexually assaulted… It is a crime… I will…
Ms P.C. Jones is a “Judas Goat!!!” She persuaded me to trust her and even the very evening that I met with her she was telling me to relax; just trust her… Deception must be a crime… The criminal here is Ms Jones who lead me to believe that she really loved me… I feel like “Antoine Lavoisier!!!” I ask myself why me??? I guess it is because someone needs to take up this cause and get some laws put in place to make it easier for the victims to get the law enforcement assistance needed to convict these criminals…
I was sexually assaulted this weekend because I trusted a friend (Ms Jones) who lead me as a sheep to the wolves who hurt me really bad… But these people have a well strategized plan in which they use some type of date rape drug and pain killer (which also might be one in the same) to knock me out so that when I awakened I did not feel any pain… I woke up with this huge headache which I never have… I was very dizzy… I had dry mouth and I could not taste anything… When I woke up at around 4:30 am on the 31th of October in Rm 311 America Lodge, lanada street, Greensboro NC, I could tell something was wrong but did not know what… I woke up very angry and I don’t know why except the drugs caused me to have a serious mood swing… I asked my friend (Ms Jones) what had happened and she said nothing…
I didn’t beleive her like noone believes me now or any victim of this crime because it is very difficult to defend yourself when you were asleep and don’t know what happened to you… THat is why I am writing my story here on this blog… The fools that did this thing to me are crazy therefore I believe they are dangerous to my life… Now at least if something happens to me that cannot be explained I have left this record that the world can see… What Ms Jones don’t know is that someone saw the people come into that room because there is only one door to the room… Also she don’t know that I saw a classmate of mine there that night therefore they can verify that she was there and maybe they saw something… who knows??? We will see… Either way this is a crime that we must fight because it is causing people to lose their lives and the self esteem… I am a strong person now because I have been through this before… I will fight to have Law Enforcement to use circumstancial evidence to try these types of cases several days months and years from the date of the crime… All someone has to prove is opportunity and the players are truly there… There is power in speaking out… It is going to be very hard to make my case that is why I need your help… If you are reading this blog and you are in law enforcement or the legal system, please help me out…
The proof I need is for someone who stayed in the hotel that night to step us and say I saw people going in an out of that room which makes my friend (Ms Jones) the quilty party because she put me in a position of danger and lied about other people being in the room… I am not concerned about the other people I am concerned about get her – the gatekeeper… It is the gatekeeper that the Victim trust… It is this trust that allows the crime to take place…
Ms P. C. Jones lied to me over an over again when I asked her if she had left the room or if she had someone else in the room… She consistantly said no to these questions over and over again… I think see was afraid that she was going to get caught…
I wonder why my right shoulder is hurting really bad…
I used you say all the time that everytime I left your house my back was hurting really bad… I guess I know why now… You really let your clonies fuck me really good huh??? I want to ask why, but I guess you sold my ass for money and sex oh lets not forget laughs… I guess you have a lot of videos to show off to all your clonies…
Be careful so-called friends will sell anything for money…
So why did you erase from my cell phone the cell number (910.574….) you used to call me from on Friday afternoon at approx. 5:30 pm… It proves that you were not sleep too as you said you were in room 311 America Lodge (which we shared) while you had me knocked out… You at least turned the light switch off and erased your number from my cell phone… Oh you and whom ever you had in the room with me knocked out smoked a hell of alot because I was covered with black smoke residue… So no lady you were not asleep as you said… Sleeping folks don’t smoke that much…
So what is your defense or as you have said so many time before, you don’t have to explain anything to me…
Well I onced asked a witch what would happen if she got caught doing something bad to a person… She said, I would just lie…
I believe that I was recently victimized again a few days ago (30 Oct 2009) here in Greensboro NC while residing with a supposed friend - Ms Jones (she might have used one of her other names but the security camera will show her) - in room 311 America Lodge (1200 Lanada Rd, Greensboro NC 27407 (336) 544-4700). I have been dating Ms Jones for almost a year and lived together with her for almost 9 months in Fayetteville NC. I have been knowing Ms Jones for most of her life because we grew up in the same church organization where her father is a Bishop. I had been a victim of Relationship sexual assault in the past and I was looking for a good hometown christian girl who would love me forever and never hurt me again. I told Ms Jones about the times I had been abused in the past… She was really caring at first and promised never to hurt me like that… She would say what kind of people are those people that do those kinds of things to a person… But shortly after living with her, I started to notice the signs of sexual abuse when I would wake up while living in her house in Fayetteville… I would ask her about the strange occurences, but she would always say that I was having flash backs and that I should trust her… She always said that she loved me, that she would never hurt me, and that it was the pains for the other relationships that I was reliving… I believed her but as the occurences continued I could not ignore them… The things that I were experiencing were the same things I experienced when I was sexually assaulted in my past relationship… I would wake up feeling drugged and my clothes would be in disarray… I would have lapses of time that I could not account for and numbness all over… I would often times wake up in the middle of the night feeling beat up and my body in a panic… The one thing that really caused me to move was when I woke up really dizzy on e night with a lot of pain in my head… I scrambled out of the bed with Ms Jones and up the stairs… I remember feeling like someone had hit me in the head with a hammer and Ms Jones standing at the bottom of the stairs looking really angry at me… I slept in a kitchen chair that night afraid to go back to bed… Each time something like this would happen Ms Jones would simple tell me that I was imagining these things or having flashbacks… I felt like I was loosing my mind until later that morning I figured out where the pain came from… One of my front bottom teeth was broken loose at the root… I believed that Ms Jones had knocked or pulled my tooth loose but whatever she gave me had made me so out of it that I could not put two and two together… Ms Jones took advantage of the fact that I was practically homeless and had no where to go… I felt really torn because I had been knowing this woman for years and never wanted to accuse her of being a crazy person who would do something like this to a person she has known for most of her life… She never had to go into relationship with me knowing about my past hurts and pains… She should have left me alone… I decided to move to Greensboro NC… I wanted to see if the same things would happen to me there then it is the PTSD from a past sexual assault but if it stopped then she had to be doing something to me… I contacted a male minister friend that I had known for over thirty years and moved to Greensboro NC to stay with him while also preparing to go to NCA&T… In order to insure that I could prove that no one was messing with me, I slept in my room at night with the doors locked or barricaded or both so that no one could get in… I am sure my friend thought I was crazy but I had to be sure that noone would ruin my little experiment by coming into my room for something… I guess not to my surprize all the incidents stopped immediately… I could control this sleeping environment and all the occurences stopped… I told Ms Jones that she was the one that was assaulting me, she would always say that she would never do anything like that to me because she loved me, and she was a christian woman… So I asked her how did she explain that fact that I did not wake up with my clothes in disarray or feeling like my chest was caving in or like I had been beat up and drugged in my sleep… Ms Jones had no answer… Ms Jones and I continued dating long distance and I would go to Fayetteville to spend time on the weekend or for a week during a holiday week… The occurences would immediately come back so a couple times I locked myself in her upstairs bedroom after feeling as if I had been drugged and would sleep like a rock… Ms Jones would be very upset when I would do that… The last time I was there with her in Fayetteville which was the weekend of Columbus day weekend we went to the State fair… Then that night when I went to sleep, I felt like she was doing something to me again so I got up in the middle of the night (around 2:00 am) and drove back to Greensboro… So this past weekend was the first time we were back together since that time… Ms Jones would always say trust me because I love you and I would not lie to you… I would say I wish I could whole heartedly agree with you but I could not because things were happening to me in my sleep that left me violated… I made up my mind that if it happened again to me this weekend I was going to break this relationship off before she killed me… Ms Jones claim to be a christian which I am also, therefore I tried to trust the her because what I thought were christian morals and an accountability to the christian belief… I would never had stayed with a woman who I did not know as long as I did her or one who was not claiming to be such a loving christian… Ms Jones is a mother of two and a grandparent of four children along with two-step grandchildren… I can’t imagine a mother in the church being a sexual assailant who would do these things… Ms Jones emailed me last monday to say that she was going to come see me on friday which was the day before our homecoming weekend… I was reluctant to her invitation but she insisted that I was letting the devil ruin our relationship… Again she use the christian angle like the other two women who I know sexually assaulted me… I was greatly wounded and scared when Cynthia Mitchell, whom I met and married in Aiken SC, sexually assaulted me and poisoned me… This time I decided that I would have to try to remember everything thing quicker so that I could know for sure that Ms Jones Assaulted me if she did… So I agreed to go with her to spend the night together at the America Lodge, room 311 hoping that this beautiful black sister was not the monster I was beginning to believe that she truly was… So we checked in the room at approximately 8 pm on 30 Oct 2009… Ms Jones went in to get the room which was upstairs in the back top of the horse shoe… We did not up to the room immediately but went across the street to Walmart to get some wine and something to eat… Ms Jones was very sweet and nice to me… She asked me told me that when I was reluctant to say yes right away for her to come up she started to turn around and go back home but she decided that she was not going to let the devil mess up our evening… So we get back to the room around 8:30 pm… I did not like the room because it was the worst for security, but I did not complain… The first sign that there could be a problem is that as soon as Ms Jones came in the room she turned off the clock claiming that she was turning on the radio… I made a mental note in my head as to what had just happened… The next thing is that she told me to go down stairs and get some things from the front desk ie towels and more soap… I did… While I was downstairs she opened the wine and poured me a glass as soon as I walked in the door… I took the glass, toasted her and drank the wine… It hit me really hard and fast… I could feel my head getting lighter and I had slept and layed around all day therefore I was not tired so I should not have been that tired… (You know, I want to cry now even while typing this because I can’t understand why anyone, especially a so-called christian grandmother of four would do something like this to me, but I am not going to cry this time… This time I am going to fight back…) Ms Jones and I talked while we drank our wine, she smoked a cigarette, and I smoked a Black&Mild… I felt the wine really getting to me so I told Ms Jones to let’s get in the bed… She said, she needed to take a shower and decided to take another one with her… She was so sweet to me as she washed my back and rubbed my chest… She seem to want to make me feel really good and it was working … We mostly talked about our long distant relationship and how she would never lie to me or misuse my trust… I asked her to look at me and swear before God that she would never do anything to hurt me… She did and we got out of the shower… Ms Jones put on a wife beater and I put on a wife beater and boxer shorts… I was not in the bed long before I was asleep… It could not have been no later than 10:30 pm… I woke up at 4:30 am very angry and very dizzy… My boxers were down around my thighs and I was sweating… I stumbled to my feet and went to the bathroom to pee… I could barely standup… I came back out of the bathroom Ms Jones was there in the bed acting as if she was asleep… I was very angry that she had given me something to make me sleep for six hours straight and did not wake me… I was really angry and was cursing loud and making lots of noise… Ms Jones got up and started to cry… She claimed that she never did anything like that and that fell asleep on my own… She got me back in the bed and began to calm me down by having sex with me… All the time I was asking her questions about the night… Then she told me this which is why I know that she gave me a date rape drug… She told me that I had gotten up out of bed after going to sleep and opened another bottle of wine, sat on the bed for almost forty minutes and drank the entire bottle… I don’t remember any of that … I have drunk a lot of wine even tired in the past and has never been that out of it… He drugged me with something that not only caused me to sleep like a log but caused me to not remember anything… The drug also caused me to have that huge mood swing where I was so angry because I never get that angry… I am always really even toned… I had mood swings for several days thereafter… I could not believe what I was hearing that I did but Ms Jones insisted that I did exactly what she said I did and that she did not leave the room or she did not let anyone in the room that night while we were there… I said something happened because I felt like someone had beat me up… I kept asking her what happened, she said, “nothing…” She almost had me convinced except for when I reached up to turn the light over the bed on… It did not come on… Now the one thing I do remember is that before we stretched out in bed I reached up and turned the light out… I asked Ms Jones who turned the light out… She said that I had… She said that I reached up and turned it out right before we went to sleep… But that light did not come on when I reached up to turn it back on, so I went to the switch at the door to see if it was off and it was… If I turned the light off by reaching up to turn the switch (which we both agreed on), how is it that if she did not leave the switch is now in the off position so I knew then that Ms Jones was lying… Something happened between 10:30 pm and 4:30 am that Ms Jones and her cohorts know about… I believe Ms Jones had someone to come in the room while I was asleep and she and that person did something to me… Normally in these situations they keep a trophy which is usually a picture or video of the entire event… I hung out with Ms Jones for most of that day going over and over the details of the night and the one thing that she kept saying was that she did not leave the room or let any one else in or turn off the light switch… I don’t believe her… I believe I was violated again by a person that I was in relationship with and trusted… I may never be able to prove any of this but I am sure as hell going to try… But if nothing else I am going to make people aware that these cowardly criminals are out there and some how we must stop them… I should have known not to trust Ms Jones from the beginning because her cell phone is in her son’s name for one and she is always wearing these colored contacts which make her look different… She hates taking pictures and hardly ever go out with me except one or two spots… I am sure outside her immediate family noone knows I exist… I know that I have cried my last cry it is time to fight back now…
Ms Jones,
I don’t know what it is but everytime we get together you are smiling when I wake up and I am hurting with a feeling of being fuck… “Why is that…” There is something wrong with that picture… I believe you gave me that lie about what you say Apryl said just to get me to go with you to the hotel that night so you could work your witchcraft on always trusting John… If it is a sin to trust the woman that you love then I have committed that sin way to many times and been fucked for it and I mean that literally – you can laugh… Well I am tired of being the one you laugh at behind my back with your so-called friends… It might be funny to you now but I pray to God that all your lies and deceptions come back to you a hundred fold for every word you speak and step you take for the rest of your life… Your mother is wrong, you are not mean, you are worst than that – wicked… I loved you with all my heart but I am tired of you using me to get your sexual rocks off and/or favors or fantasy fulfilled…
So blame it on me… I don’t care what you tell them because it will probably be a lie… I see on television everyday how people get caught for things they have gotten away with for years ie child molestation, murder, rape and the like… I hope and pray that the truth about you is exposed so you will be forced to live in the Light… And I will know the truth… The truth is the only thing a true man of God cares about – is the truth… I don’t think you are capable of telling the truth, you have lied so long… One last thing… don’t trust your so – called friends that you would not allow me to meet…
They are your true enemies and they are far more than you can imagine – the bible called them legends… I asked God how could this be how this has turned out??? He said, “you had a choice to treat me in a Godlymanner but you chose to teach me like satan would – like I was just shit… I hope you are happy… I hope you get plenty of laughter on this earth because if you don’t repent and change your ways all the laughter will turn to tears when you lift up your eyes from hell… If you don’t believe there is one, I feel sorry for you… You say to me that you know that I am a man of God… Your father is man of God… Do you treat him the same way you have treated me… I am sure you don’t… Either way, I am spiritually fullfilled now that I have let you go because as a true man of God your filthy wickedness felt like shit on me… I thank God that now I feel clean again… Oh if you believe I am a prophet or not there is someone you will meet one day who will say to you, ”hello nana, I am your grandson/daughter… My name is little shit…
I know you are probably laughing and I hope you enjoy it but laughing because you caused a saint pain is an abomination and deserving of hell fire…
Wow…
Does this stuff just keep on getting crazier and crazier…
Yes, I am a victim of female on male sexual assault. THis is my story. I am a survivor and an activist for the cause of bringing awareness to this cultural epidemic that is pledging our society.
I suffer from flash backs, late night sweats, and panic attacks. I am starting this blog because as a result of my sexual assault I have been unable to maintain a serious relationship. Recently I met a beautiful young black sista that thinks I am Mr. Wonderful. We have been living together now for only a few weeks but already I am experiencing some very serious problems.
I have come to find out that the pains of sexual assault greatly effect every aspect of my life today. I try to put these painful memories aside but it has been virturally impossible. My new love of my life, struggles with me because of my struggles. We discuss my issues in great detail but it is almost impossible for one person to handle.
I will continue this post as an ongoing one to daily express my pains and struggles…
“I am a Victim of “Female on Male” Sexual Assault!!!”
